So the first time that we met, I actually had no clue who she was other than in passing. This was for a combination birthday party and new year's eve party. I knew her then-girlfriend Anna from college. Anna and I met during SOAR (the freshman registration day in the summer for Western) and she and her friend Alicia were sitting at a table in the room pouring over a manga, or at least over something which was anime-related and had Japanese. So me being me (I tend to avidly introduce myself to others and say hi and being a conversation with random strangers. As a little child, I was told [as were most children] to never talk to strangers. My answer to this was that if I were to always introduce myself to others, there would never be a "stranger" in the world. Strange people yes, but not strangers), I struck up a conversation with them since I had taken Japanese in high school. Anna and I became friends, and we saw each other again the second time after school started, and began to hang out every so often. Many a night was spent in the "den of iniquity."
So back to meeting Amanda. This was the "winter" break of Freshman Year (of course you couldn't call it Christmas break, because that would be a religious holiday). Anna invited me to come to her parent's place in PC for a new year's eve party and I was like "cool, awesome J." So I was in Aloha with my family for the break since the dorms closed during the breaks (unless you wanted to pay more and then could stay, that way international students had somewhere to go for the breaks). Another friend of theirs lived in Hillsboro, Ken, and the two of us took Greyhound down there since 1) neither of us had our own vehicle, and 2) my mother didn't want me driving on New Year's Eve.
We were picked up in town in PC right next to an herbal shop and a Wendy's (that's where the Greyhound stop was, in the Wendy's parking lot across the street from the herbal shop). We got driven back to their place, and we started to see who all was there, meeting new people, that kind of thing. Anna showed me where I would be staying the night, which was in her brother's old room. We got there before Amanda arrived. When she showed up, I was my usual nice and kind self and when Anna came back in the house with Amanda, I said "hello," and smiled at the newcomer(s). Amanda already wrote a description of how she saw me, so I will include that here:
We drove to PC and showed up at Anna's place. I ran *I believe almost barefoot* into her arms. I was so glad to be able to see her and spend time with her. I loved her very much, and still do..in so many forms. After playing in her hair for a little and picking the fuzzies off of her green jacket we walked over to the house. I took what I had on my feet *which I think was only socks at the time* and looked up to see Charlie in the hallway walking towards the door. *please forgive me for this way of picturing things...but this is the way that it was.* It looked as if there was a huge, beautiful angel in front of me. A golden halo type of light surrounding his head. *the reason why is because the side of the house the sun was hitting was almost all glass doors or windows..so the light was streaming in on him..and it just made that picture perfect image in my mind.* From that moment that I heard "hello" I was shaken. There was something there in him...that I was taken by. His voice, his demeanor, and everything. I don't think that "love at first sight" fits because at the time...I wasn't sure that it was love or what...but maybe that's because I was so much in love at the time.
I didn't know until more "formal" introductions were made that this was Anna's girlfriend Amanda. We all went into the other room and were hanging out watching all sorts of different things: anime (like Elf Princess Raine), movies (Lost Boys, and others I think?), listening to music (I brought lots of music with me, and so did others). The food for the evening was sushi, which is always a good thing! I always tend to help out with preparing things, serving things, and cleaning up. So it should come as no surprise that when I was there I helped Anna to prepare and serve sushi J Later in evening, I took some of the music that I had and was playing for people to dance to. One of the cd's I brought it still, to this day, one of my favourite cd's, which is an 80's compilation album.
While we were eating dinner, Amanda put in the movie which she got as a birthday present that year, Lost Boys. We were totally in sync with each other, on the same wavelength so to speak. We were singing to all the songs together, saying our favorite parts (with the favorite parts and not before, just picture RHPS- or more accurately Monty Python … LOL).
We ended up playing truth or dare, which was fun. Being a holiday celebration in the US, we had stuff to drink there too. Most people were kind of light-weight drinkers. Me and Amanda, are VERY not lightweights *L*. Her friend Shayla tried to keep up with her and I, but wasn't able to. So that was already a background of people having fun and being comfortable with each other. Throughout the evening, I learned more and more about Amanda, and found out that she has a lot of cat-like and wolf-like qualities. The wolf qualities are more powerful in her than the cat ones though. So of course when the game eventually "degenerated" into someone asking a question and everyone answering it, the question was raised "if you were to sleep with anyone in the room (besides a S.O.), who would it be?," both Amanda and I said each other.
At the end of Lost Boys, Amanda just randomly out of the blue said she would streak at midnight. So I said, "I'll go with you, if you do," figuring it would be fun to do. I brought it up again in the truth or dare game, and said that I would too. We tried to get Anna to come with us, but she didn't want to L So midnight rolled around, every had already started to break into little groups of people having their own conversations after the truth or dare game was over.
Prior to actually streaking, Amanda and I were, being moon-people and very influenced by lunar cosmology, we were literally drawn outside to the dark. We ended going back in, as well, back to the people in there. With her being small and female and cold usually to begin with, I was my usual self and being the chivalrous gentleman that I am, I offered for her to take my leather coat and wear it to not be so cold. We talked about our previous relationships, the good things and the bad things, and I ended up talking about my past relationship with Tammi and how much she seemed to have the good but not the bad things she had, and that she was extremely alike my then-current girlfriend Emily (who was also very much a wolf person). I remember my words exactly, being "you need to meet her because you and her as so alike that it's weird."
We (her and I) went to the front room, and I had some music on and we were dancing to a specific song, which is currently still one of "our" songs: "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. It showed the kind of relationships that we were in, how we felt about our current and out past relationships. My past (and then-current) relationships were very much tainted, as were hers. The primary group of people came back into the front room when the music was starting to be on again. Amanda eventually got Anna to be dancing with her, and playing with her hair.
We finally were watching the ball drop to be midnight and I caught Amanda's eyes and asked her "so are you going or not?" She kinda shuffled around, and then told me that she was. I took my trench coat out with me, and she had a silk covering. We were naked underneath, but that gave us something to have on for the way out there, and then once we were done. We held the coats in our hands as we ran. Neither of us hid ourselves from each other as we ran. We ran all the way around her house, and then down the driveway (it is forested and really long). We stopped to walk by the end of the driveway and we walked back up the driveway. To give you an idea, our heights haven't changed all that much since then. I'm 6'4" and she is 4'9". So at that point she was perhaps 4'7" and I was probably 6'3". Amanda had a very huge grin on her face as we were walking. Honestly, I don't know why *innocent look*. I most likely had one too! LOL. When we got back up to the top of the driveway, we began to ran again until we reached the back side of the house where we started.
After that, Amanda went with Anna and everyone went to the rooms where they were staying for the night to go to bed, the night being over. Amanda had to go back early in the morning for chores and work, and I went in the car along with Anna and Alicia to drop her off. She gave hugs and kisses saying goodbye, and so I gave her a hug. I'm usually a very touchy-feely kind of guy, and would give hugs to friends of mine usually more readily than a handshake. So I gave her a hug and held her kinda close in the hug.
We talked on and off, but didn't necessarily see each other all that often at all. I was with my ex-fiancé for another 2 years (almost 3 years overall). During that time, my ex had claimed Amanda as her girlfriend, and had been around even more at that point in time. Amanda had feelings and interest in me, and in a sense she funneled that into expressing for Emily what she felt for me towards Emily in the back of her mind. We had been coming to see her more often and she had started to notice that she had pushed the feelings that she had for me back, even though she was in love with me. She loved Emily in a sense only because she loved me. Her and I were allowed to be physical and kiss, since Emily and her were allowed that.
I think that I can noticeably trace the feelings that I had for Amanda becoming stronger than my usual caring for a friend back to sometime around the summer after we met, so this would be only a couple months after we met to begin with. I began to feel more intensely the caring feelings I had toward Amanda, and thus she began to also see the change in me, and could see what was truly inside of me when I looked at her through my eyes, even if she tried to not see it. I was there for her throughout all of the problems she was having in relationships (be it with me and Emily, or other people, I was there). It may seem odd that I was still there for her even when fights were involving her, but then, when most of it had to do with over-reactions overall it shouldn't be. I was there for many of the things that went wrong in her previous relationships, and in the least I was a shoulder to cry on in her times of need.
I think that us beginning to head towards possibly being a couple had started from being there for her birthday the year before we got together. After my fiancé and I were no longer together, the first person I called to talk to was Amanda. She had always been there as a friend for me, and so she was one who I could turn to in my own time of need. I had been for a long time now a "friend with benefits" I suppose you could say. Amanda was with Peter and one other person prior to being with me. The night that a friend of hers ended the relationship with Amanda and Peter, she went out with me. We did our, by then quite normal, "friends with benefits" stuff, in general comforting each other and happy to be with each other. I believe that was the weekend of DMDT, the 23rd of June.
She asked me a question which could have saved time and broken feelings if we would have both been truly honest right then and there to each other. I had been, at this time, re-evaluating what had been going on in my life, having had a nasty break-up with my ex who was with another guy the second we were broke up, engaged within a week and married a month after that. On top of that I knew I didn't want to ever loose Amanda as a friend. In having getting closer to Amanda as a friend, and dare I say at this point as a lover as well, I also learned that part of her background included some of the things which were reasons why I ended the dating relationship with Tammi back in high school, and I wished to not repeat having a dating relationship to include these. So when she asked me why it is that we were still only friends with benefits, I told her that it was because "I couldn't see us being more then that at that time."
So as the summer continued to progress, I continued to see her all the time, basically spending time visiting her on weekends. I would go to SCA events in the summer and I would usually be in town around my parent's place in Aloha and so I would call her up at her Aunt and Uncle's place in FG and visit with her. I was up visiting Amanda fairly regularly during the summer, and so I was up on the weekend of July 19th-21st. I went up to July Coronation, and had lots of awesome fun being the "fan boy" that weekend, and even got put on the Queen's Retinue due to the weekend J I was still in my toga from being at the event when I came through. Amanda and I had fun that Sunday, eventually the two of us went to Shute Park and hung out under the stars. That was lots of fun, and we enjoyed cuddling underneath the stars (among other things ^_^).
Shortly after that, Amanda's friend, and then-girlfriend, Julie came to visit her from California. This was they very end of July/early August. I knew not, at that time, that they were as close as what they were, but did know that they were supposed to be together as a couple but had not meant in person until not. Nor did I know that on impulse Amanda has asked her to marry her. I was my normal self around Amanda, not knowing anything else but being me, nor that there would be any reason to. My normal happy-go-lucky and flirty self was taken, by Julie, as me trying to hit on her (which is soooooo not true, since she is nowhere near my type).
When I was visiting and Julie was there as well, I was still being my normal self with Amanda which meant I would hold her and hug her, and giver her looks to read into, telling her things that we both wanted me to be saying out loud. When the end of the night came, I got Amanda to walk me out of her Aunt and Uncle's house so that I could say goodbye to her without Julie being there, because I was going to hug her and, most likely give her a kiss at least on the cheek, and I knew that she would not care for this at all.
She walked me to my "sea tyger" (so-called for the custom plates I had on my Toyota Camry). I hugged her, and held her close, not wanting to let her go until I absolutely had to. When I did, I held her close and we were face to face. She looked into my eyes and I tried as best as I could to tell her with my eyes to not ever go away from me, to stay with me, and to leave and come with me back down to Salem and stay with me forever. I knew she could tell by the look in my eyes that I loved her, just as she loved me. We had both been in relationships the entire time since we met, and now that I wasn't in one, she was, technically married to her through a religious ceremony (though only technically since it was never officially finished, though I don't think that I knew that at the time, only that Julie was unusually cocky and arrogant on the first impression). I wanted Amanda to leave right then and there to be with me, but I also knew that she couldn't do that with Julie there visiting. She did leave her though, in time. Which would be when she and I officially become a couple. I would say that we, in a way, already were one, but I waited until a specific date to ask her to be mine.
We went and saw XXX on Friday, August 16th and I spent the whole weekend with her. I was so sad to have to let her go and not be able to be with her longer. We were with each other almost every second of that weekend, and I wanted so much to be with her then! Well, we were out real late on Sunday night, and I knew that I needed to be in to work early for swim lessons starting at 9am. I probably should have gone back to my parent's place, but I wanted to be home, which was with her, but that wouldn't happen. I begged and pleaded with her to be able to take her with me- for her to leave a note for her Aunt and Uncle and come with me back down to the apartment. Well, come to find out I had not just one, but two psychologically underlying reasons why. The second one was that I was entirely too tired to be driving, and ended up falling asleep while driving and wrecking my car about 13 miles from Salem along the Lafayette Highway.
That ended my being able to casually take a weekend trip to visit with my beloved. I walked to work every day for the next month while my car was being fixed, and only barely had my car back in time for school. Since I didn't have my car, I managed to convince my mother to come down to Salem and pick me up so that I could be with Amanda. My school didn't start until the very last calendar day of September, so I had no commitments on the weekend except for work. I was able to spend the weekend with Amanda, yeah :) That weekend she also found out that her favourite school teacher from high school, who had been like a mother to her, had died from the cancer which she had. On the 15th of September was when she found out.
I was already back down in Salem by the time she found out, but I made plans straight away to be able to get my mother to come get me the following weekend so that I would be able to come up here to spend the weekend with her and be able to comfort her physically instead of just talking to her, and to be able to take her to the memorial. I just wanted to stay with her and keep her safe. We had been getting closer and closer, but she also knew, and I made sure she knew, that I would not do anything which she did not want.
That weekend she asked me again what I thought about our relationship, and I still was unable to fully tell her how I felt for her. I still was able to say more and tell her that I cared for her as much more then a friend. There were some other things said too. We laid down and I held her as she slept, and eventually I also slept. We got up the next morning and we were very close to each other. We cuddled together, and I couldn't help touching and holding her, seeing if she were truly in my arms. We took the max with Veronica to Portland and I went to my parents place in Aloha. On the max there I gave a massage to Veronica but still kept touching her, letting her know that I was there. I held her hand and held her to my chest so that she could hear and feel my heart beat. I had left a message for her almost as soon as I got home to my mother's place asking for her to meet up with me again at night since I hadn't been able to tell her the whole truth and that I wanted to talk to her tonight.
So she called him me back after she got home from the Portland Art museum place they went to for their art class and I asked her to ride the MAX out to Aloha so that I could get her and we could talk. I borrowed the van from my mom and I went to the Beaverton transit center and picked her up. I took her to Nature Park and we started walking. It was here that I told her that I loved her, and had loved her. I told her, truthfully, that I didn't truly know for how long. I mean looking back now I can sort of place a time on when I started noticing it, but yeah.
The reason I said that I couldn't see her and I as more then friends was because of her mental disabilities, the bi polar one being the biggest one. While other friends of hers had "left town" so to speak when they found out about the problems she has, and deals with, I still hadn't gone anywhere, and didn't plan to either. However, as I told her, I was worried that there would be a repeat of my relationship with Tammi, and I couldn't handle having something like that happen to me.
Amanda was contemplating staying up here with me and going to college in Forest Grove, or leaving the state entirely to down to California. In finding out that the feelings I had for her were the same as she had for me, she decided that she would absolutely stay up here with me. One thing I absolutely could not handle, would be not being able to just randomly see her any time I wanted to, like I had been able to do. A random weekend trip to southern California is just not an option! LOL Needless to say, she told Julie that she would have to think about what she wanted in her life, and she chose me.
Back to the talking earlier about being there for her when she found out about her teacher that was like a mother to her, the funeral was the following weekend, on the 21st of September. I took her down there and the whole way down there I was playing music in the car J I got to see all sorts of different people there that weekend. I met people she went to high school with, and that knew her, and that I had never met before. At the memorial there were lots of little lavender bundles for people to take, since the teacher was very fond of lavender.
After the memorial, we drove to Salem. I had wanted to show her the apartment before, and now was a perfect opportunity to be able to show it to her in a way that was, in a sense, on the way. We had an awesome moon-lit drive through winding forested highway between Hebo and Salem. Today was the day that I had been waiting for. We are both very lunar people, and my especially. I asked her that night, on the awesome car-ride back at my apartment, if she would stay with me and be mine. And she said… yes! So the 21st of September is when we officially became a couple.